David's on the train and the guard approaches him asking for his ticket. David searches his pockets in an increasing state of agitation and finally has to admit, "This is terrible. I think I have lost my ticket."
"Don't worry about it, Mr Beckham," says the guard. "I'm sure you're not a fare dodger."
"You don't understand," says David. "I've got to find it otherwise I won't know where to get off!"

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SOCCER  JOKES
David Beckham Jokes
Manchester United Jokes
A man goes into a pub with an alligator under his arm.
"Do you serve ManU fan in here?" he asks.
"Certainly Sir, no problem at all," replies the barman, nervously staring at the alligator.
"Okay," says the man, "a pint of lager for me and an ManU fan for the alligator."

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Canadian Soccer Jokes
Celtic & Rangers Jokes
Harald Brattbakk's wife wanted him locked up - she had had enough of the eejit.
So she went to the police and told them: "Please Help, my husband has been hitting me."
The Police gave sound advice: "Ma'm, don't worry. Just carry a goalpost in each hand - I guarantee he'll never hit you."    

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After a visit to the doctor, Provincial team centre forward dropped in to his local pub for a quick one. "What's up mate?" asked his friend Brian, "you look worried."
"Yes, I am," He replied. "I've just been to the doctor's and he told me I can't play soccer."
"Oh, really?" said Brian. "He's seen you play too then, has he?"

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